ive tried so hard. ive kept my grades up. ive balanced my life pretty well. i dont have a criminal record. ive never gotten anything worse then a detention. ive never brought you shame. i have never publicly humiliated you. ive made mostly informed decisions. and i'm pretty good at telling the difference between right and wrong. acceptable and unacceptable.


and ive always done my best.


i know i have made mistakes. ive failed some. ive been rude stubborn bratty and even impossible at times. ive betrayed your trust. first out of fear. then out of the realisation that the truth doesnt matter anyways.

but does that make me a bad person? does it make me a rebel? does it make me a lost cause? and does it mean that i am not good enough? it is wrong of me to expect to be allowed a few mistakes? mistakes which other can find the heart to forgive and forget but you cant? does it mean that no matter what i do it will never be quite what is needed to make you love me?


i used to care. i used to think your approval mattered. i used to think that maybe if i tried harder you'd actually love and respect me.


but now.
i give up.


because im sick of it.


im sick of being second best to your unattainable definitions of perfection. im sick of making sacrifices to make you happy. im sick of playing by your rules and massaging your ego. im sick of you labelling me and stepping on my pride. im sick of adhering to your double standards. im sick of your abuse. and im sick of never being good enough.


simply put.
im sick of you.


it hurts me to say it. beacause i do respect you quite alot. i respect the life you've made for yourself. i respect your social standing. i respect your hard work and determination. and i respect your single mindedness in achieving your goals.


but enough is enough.
im done living for you.
and im done playing your silly games.



its time i started living for myself.