today was the first time that she wasn't there with him.

he was holding her, whispering in her ear. teasing her and making her laugh. and the all while she was a million miles away. kissing her neck he didn't see the tears in her eyes. he felt her hands in his hair, on his back, caressing his face.

how could he know?

how could he know that her touch meant more than that. how could he know that she was clinging on to him for dear life. grasping at straws and wanting something she could never have.

there were moments.

moment when she wanted so desperately to push him away. push away the lie that was them. tell him that play acting and charades behind closed doors was not how she'd imagined it.

and yet.

they moved together. in a dance so primitive and base. a union that was sacred, and yet, profane.

and she knew.

as she looked down on herself from a million miles away. she knew, that their moments together would forever be shrouded in lies and shadows. and as much as it hurt, knowing that her fantasy would never be their reality. she knew, she would never leave.

not so long as she was foolish enough to hope.

and so they danced. danced till they were spent. and when the moment had passed, she turned her head and wept. wept for a future that was not meant to be. silent tears for a man who'd never love her.


and still she hoped.